Weird Dreams Daily 14 “Chocolate Milk Lies”

Hi, I’m author, Dungeon Master and Podcast listener Paul Lang, and I’m here to talk about National Chocolate Milk Day. 

Chocolate Milk was invented by Irish Physician Sir Hans Sloane in the 1680s. He based it off a drink he tried in Jamaica, which was cocoa powder in water. He said it tasted nasty, so he mixed it with milk instead. 

See, the nice thing about the blog format is that no one is requiring me to cite my sources or write a bibliography. That means that the story I just told you could be true or false and I am not responsible for what you do or don’t believe. I’m legally in the clear. Just like Screenrant when they had the audacity to post the headline “How Netflix’s Cowboy Bebop Is Changing The Anime (And Why That’s A Good Thing)” and we all discovered we were not allowed to sue them for their great sins.

So, in the spirit of man handing misery down to man, here are some other possible origin stories for the brown milk.

1. The Danish Equestrian, Madam Delilah Neilson, was really bored one day, and she got transfixed on the muddy hoofprint of her horse, Almira. She was all like “Wow. Brown powdery stuff in wet stuff.” Then she was like “What if instead of a horse, I was riding a cow, and it was shooting milk from its utters the whole time”. Then she was like “What if the earth was made of chocolate?” And the rest is history.
2. Chocolate Milk was invented by Soviet scientists by accident. They were trying to master mind control.
3. In the year 200 BCE, the Dragon God Bathuza was lord of both American Continents. Bathuza was invisible, so the people who lived on his land refused to pay taxes to him, so, he spoke through his high priests and told them “Thou shalt have no rain for thy crops, only bitter brown powder.” and so it was. Day in and day out, it rained coco powder, until one day, a cow ate it and created chocolate milk. The people of the early Americas used the chocolate milk to water their crops, and it was better than water, so their crops did great, and Bathuza vanished into the abyss, because no one believed in him anymore.
4. I made it up. When I was five. It was me.

So, here we have five different stories. Only YOU can decide which is the truth, and which is beyond belief.

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