Hi, I’m author, Netflix, Hulu, Amazon-Prime, Funimation and VRV user Paul Lang. Today I’d like to talk to you about squids, or, rather, a vacuum where squids should exist.
Like every single person in the world, I have watched Squid Game. If you haven’t watched Squid Game, you probably don’t exist. If you are a person who does not exist, please leave me alone. Return to the Outer Darkness between the stars and hang out with Nyarthalotep and Azathoth.
If you have seen Squid Game, you will know it has one problem and only one problem: There are no squids in squid game.
One time, there was a scene where someone ate a fish, and I was like, wow, they could have easily made that a squid, yet they willingly chose not to. Was the absence of squids a conscious artistic decision, like the use of negative space? Or did they just . . . forget?
Being a writer, and an American person who admittedly doesn’t understand all of the Korean societal refences, I have come to a decision: a writer does not simple sit back, watch and criticize! When a writer has an issue with a work, he create his own piece! So, I present to you, my own “Take” which I will call—
Octopus Game
Episode 1
Scene: A crusty urban town. Homeless people are everywhere shaking empty hats and pans. Cut to a small apartment. Inside sits an OCTOPUS, roughly 47 years old. He is VERY old, because octopuses generally only live up to 5 years. Across from him is an even older octopus. She is at least 100 years old. The oldest octopus in the world. The GRAND OCTOPUS
47 Year Old Octopus: Man, I sure love having no job.
Grand Octopus: Buy me fried chicken.
47 Year Old Octopus: I have no money.
Grand Octopus: *Hands him 5 money* Use this.
47 Year Old Octopus: Nice. 5 Money.
Scene: We cut to a crowded building with tellers and screens. People are watching the OCTOPUS RACES on TV.
47 Year Old Octopus: Wow! I just won 10 more money at the Octopus Races! Glad I bet on a fast Octopus!
(As he leave, he is confronted by a gang of CRIMINAL OCTOPUSES. Their leader, an OCTOPUS WITH AN EYEPATCH pulls a knife on him)
EYEPATCH OCTOPUS: Listen you Octopus. You owe me ten money.
47 Year Old Octopus: No! Please! I was going to use this money to buy my DAUGHTER OCTOPUS back from THE DIVORCE!
EYEPATCH OCTOPUS: I don’t care about that! Pay me!
47 Year Old Octopus: *Changes color so he blends in with the floor*
EYEPATCH OCTOPUS: What?! He disappeared! Magic!?
47 Year Old Octopus: *Cackles and wanders off*
Scene: Bus station. The 47 Year Old Octopus is visible again.
47 Year Old Octopus: Wow. That was neat. But how will I buy my daughter now?!
An OCTOPUS in a SUIT approaches. His name is CAPITALISM.
Capitalism: Hey guy. Do you want a lot of money? I’ll pay you if you let me shoot you in the face.
TO BE CONTINUED!
Hey. My spinoff novel, The Tale of the Useless Prince, is out for preorder now!
paullang.blog 